I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
