sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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