she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize