Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
