I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
