how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
