Umm I'm too high to move.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
