North Korea, Best Korea!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
