I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
