yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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