In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
