I must be too annoying 4 u.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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