dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
