I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The Olympian is in my bed
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
