I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
