We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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