things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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