Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
