yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
