I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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