I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
