Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
