Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
