so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
