you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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