i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
