Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
