the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
