According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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