Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
