And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
