I think im going to throw up on grandma
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
