my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I still have a little drunk in my system
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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