That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
