I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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