there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
