hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
