I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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