I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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