Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
