Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
