Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.

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(419): View more from Ohio

i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying

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(419): View more from Ohio

You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.

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(310): View more from California

I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable

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(503): View more from Oregon

I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread

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(256): View more from Alabama

Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.

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