i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
