i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
