My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
