great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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