if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All I want is dick and wine.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
