god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
