it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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