He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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