Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
