This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
