Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
we're so committed to being not committed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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