ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
