I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
