i would punch a child for taco bell
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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