Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
