ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
