Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
