No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
