Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
