Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
