U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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