how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't think brook has ever known best
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Can I color on your dick again?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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