It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize