if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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