That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
