so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
