If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
