So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
