she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
