you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
